Just looking through my most recent posts and there’s definitely a theme. I’m grumpy and trying to be more grateful. I also worry a lot. This has not changed over lockdown at all.
Always be Kind
Last week a colleague at work gave me a £30 voucher for a shop called Home Sense. It was extremely kind of them. They weren’t going to use it and it expired in a few days. They knew I would put it to good use and I did. I messaged one of my friends who…
Everything is heavy right now
I made it in and cracked on. I feel like my manager is watching me a lot at the moment. Its irritating me. Does she not trust me? She gave me 6/10 recently which upset me. Does she think I’m rubbish at my job? Its a bit weird. I think I’m doing a good job.…
Things are not always as bad as you think are going to be
I’m not usually a commuter. My work is about a 10 min walk. So when I was asked to go to our Sheffield office in one day, I wasn’t overly keen. I would have to get up at 5:30am compared to my 8am and I wouldn’t be home until 9pm compared to my 5:30pm. I…
I’m trying to get a better control of my worries and grumpiness. I lost it a little bit of the weekend. I just felt very unhappy with how my life is. I turned 27 this year and maybe I was naive but I thought I’d have my life together a bit more by now. I thought I’d at least have my own house. I didn’t realise how difficult it would be. I’m hoping I’ll get there one day but I’m just craving my own space right now.
I live in two houses, my parents and my boyfriend’s. My parents house is the home I grew up in. It’s special. My boyfriend’s house is shared with another couple. This is not my home. If I’m being honest, I hate this house. Nothing about it is mine. I have no control. I feel trapped sometimes. I can’t even have a bath here as the plumbing is dodgy. My boyfriend doesn’t get it, he’s been here for 5 years and is comfortable. I’m hoping to get him out of this house one day.
He’s not helping at the moment. He doesn’t have a job at the moment. We both left the company we worked for at the end of last year. We both were planning on having a month or two off. That didn’t happen. I fell into a job within a few weeks and he’s still not working. It’s been 9 months. His mental wellbeing wasn’t great from his last job so I expected him to have a few months off, but then Covid hit. Life is slowly coming back to normal but he still doesn’t seem motivated to get back into it. I’m trying to be supportive and understanding but you can’t just not work. He needs a kick up the ass which I’m providing every so often.
I have a job. I was only suppose to be here for 2 weeks. It’s now been 8 months. I do like it, I’m enjoying what I’m doing. Most of the time. It’s definitely 80/20 which is healthy. Every day can’t be great. The thing that bugs me is that I’m a temp. A contractor. I get paid weekly instead of monthly. I don’t get sick pay and I get limited holiday pay. It’s not ideal. I keep pushing to be made permanent but I think if it doesn’t happen soon, I may have to start looking elsewhere. I need to feel secure in at least one part of my life and this one looks to be the easiest at the moment.
I do feel secure in some parts of my life. My relationship is in a good place considering we’ve been in lockdown together and he’s not working. We’re doing good. I’ve also lost nearly a stone since the start of lockdown so it’s not all doom and gloom.
You know what’s coming…. the list of what I’m grateful for. Right now.
I’m grateful for:
- Having a job especially as a lot of people have been furloughed/made redundant
- Enjoying my job 80/20 of the days
- Being able to support both my boyfriend & I money wise
- Being able to buy myself treats (who else is going to?)
- Music
- Walks
- The weather cooling down, I’m definitely more of an Autumn/Winter person
- Being able to lose some weight, hope that scale keeps going down
- Enjoying exercising again
- Having pretty nails
- My mum – she’s pretty cool most of the time, she surprised me with a massage a week or two ago
- My boyfriend – he’s a pain sometimes but he’s a good egg really, he puts up with my nonsense
- Acknowledging my anxiety and being able to work on dealing with it
- Being able to live with my boyfriend even if it’s not our place
- Being able to go back to my parents when I need some peace and quiet
outofsightoutofhere 