I wrote this on the journey back from Alton Towers on my phone due to no signal.
I was trying to keep calm about being stuck in the car for so many hours and not being listened to.
I recently went away for a few days with my boyfriend and some friends.
I’ve learnt a lot.
One of them is that I’m not very tolerant of people and am extremely lucky to have a brilliant boyfriend who puts up with me.
We went to Alton Towers and we were just about to go on the Smiler which I was having massive doubts about.
I know I was being silly. All rides are dangerous and a potential risk but the reputation of this ride and the recent accident with it was all I could think about.
I didn’t want to lose a leg or have something horrific happen.
It didn’t help that it looks fairly creepy too but basically I had a bit of an anxiety attack and just couldn’t go on it.
Luckily, my boyfriend sensed almost straight away and knew I wasn’t happy. So he grabbed my hand and took me away from the ride 🙂
My friends called me a coward but I didn’t care. I wasn’t happy so I didn’t do it.
I don’t regret it at all. Even if it meant missing out on a supposed good ride.
Always listen to your instincts.
Travelling home from a few days away was fun. Not.
Everyone knows about Friday traffic. Or so I thought. Between 4 – 7 is traffic central. People are leaving early for their weekends or going away for the weekend.
So what time do we leave on Friday? 5pm. Right in the middle of Friday traffic!!! Urgh.
I got told off for being grumpy about it. Of course I was grumpy about it. It doubled our journey by 2 and a half hours. PLUS we were dropping off one of my friends to their boyfriend’s house who lives half an hour away so it was even longer.
Apparently she didn’t want to inconvenience him. Didnt think about us though did ya? Selfish.
Worst part was I didn’t know we were doing that. If I knew, I would of taken my own car and left at 2 or 3 and definitely not detoured to someone’s house half an hour away.
Rant over. Sorry
I’m going away for a few days tonight. You would think I was excited to not be at work or to spend some time with some of my closest friends. Nope.
I’m anxious. My anxiety is kicking in.
I’m going with three people. My boyfriend and my two best friends. I know I’m safe. Especially with my boyfriend and oldest friend. They get me.
It’s more the third friend. She’s great, I do love her to bits. She’s hilarious and lots of fun but she’s just not the person to go to if I’m feeling unsure or having an anxiety attack. She doesn’t believe in mental health. Her words were “mental health isn’t real, if you can’t see it it’s not there”
It hit a nerve.
It’s just so ignorant and flat out wrong. How else would you explain my silly worries over nothing? My feelings for being scared of nothing? What about all the people who are locked away in psychiatric units? What about that poor girl in Orlando who was shot by a mental person?
I know I should forget about it and move on but I’m finding it difficult. I have to spend 2 and a half days with a person who won’t understand if my mood changes or I’m not myself.
For all I know, I’m worrying about nothing and there won’t be anything to kick off about. We might have a really nice, fun time. That’s what I hope.
I know I’m being silly, I can’t help these thoughts.
I should concentrate on the fact that we have people in our life for different reasons. So, I can still friends with this person but maybe she can be the person I go to if I want to have fun or laugh lots.
I wish I could just close my mind sometimes. Like have an off button. That would be useful.