Been winding myself up all day with worry and anixety. All over a few work issues. Never thought I’d be the person to get so effected by a career.
I need to stop feeding myself negative thoughts.
My boy and some friends have been good. Keeping me sane.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
What a bastard thing it is. It just wastes your time, it doesn’t change anything, it messes with your mind and steals your happiness.
Do we learn? No we do not. Because we can’t. It’s a part of who we are. It can hurt others more than you think.
Remember: everyone is fighting a battle, some are just better at dealing with it or pretending that they are.
I feel a lot happier today.
My boy made some effort and came to see me this weekend. It was lovely.
We spent time together. We chatted. We hung out. We had meals together, one was a romantic meal out.
He made some effort. It was great. Things seem a lot better compared to last time. Maybe there’s hope after all. I hope so. Wait and see 😊
I feel like everyone wants a piece of me at the moment.
My friends want my time, friends at work want my brain and dishonesty, my family want my help, a boy wants my body and my boyfriend wants my happiness.
I’m definitely being dramatic but I just want some space. I want some time on my own to do me you know?
I’ve started reading a lot more lately which has really helped. Takes my mind away from this world into another world with fantasy and excitement.
It’s better there. Maybe I’ll stay there one day.
Today has been a day that has made me remember why I created this blog in the first place.
I feel alone. Which seems stupid as I’m surrounded by family, I have a boyfriend, I have another boy who supposedly likes me and friends asking to meet up. So why do I feel alone?
Is it lack of sleep? Or the fact I’m pushing people away cos I don’t want to talk? It’s probably just me. Usually is.
I need to look after myself more, especially my head. It’s at it’s worst when I feel alone as negative thoughts and my anixety pop up.
Hopefully thing will get better in the next few days.
Last few days have been emotionally traumatising. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life.
It was needed. I got what I wanted, an answer.
I need him. He’s been such a big part of my life for so long. I don’t remember life before him. We both had a big cry. To see him so upset, to feel his heart breaking was horrible.
But it showed me how much I still care and how much I want this. I don’t want to give up just yet. It’s worth it to keep trying 🙂
Let’s just see how it goes. At the moment, I feel happy with our decision to stay together
and keep trying for a little longer.
I’m now off for a few days on annual leave away from work.
I’m currently with one having the “talk”
Falling out of love is a horrible thing, I think that’s what this is. We’ve been together for so long. I use to be so full of dreams and excitement around him. But now it’s just confusion and despair.
Are you coming home? Are you going to make any effort? Is the spark coming back? Have you changed? Have I changed? I don’t know. We don’t know. No one knows.
The talk went ok, was a bit of a downer obvs. He seemed to agree we were drifting. We’ve agreed to wait and see how things til he’s home.
Can’t just give up….. Can you?!?