My sinuses have been playing up alot the last few weeks so have been in bed poorly.
It has made me feel very useless
I tried helping out today by putting up Christmas decorations, emptying the bins & putting some washing on
I got told by my darling mother that I had put the decorations wrong and they look silly.
I got told that I should of separated stuff to recycle and I hadn’t put all the washing on
I’m not being a brat but where’s the thank you for attempting? I’m sorry I’m not as bloody perfect as my mother.
I love her to bits but she does my nut in sometimes. She doesn’t help with my confidence or anxiety
I wrote this on the journey back from Alton Towers on my phone due to no signal.
I was trying to keep calm about being stuck in the car for so many hours and not being listened to.
I recently went away for a few days with my boyfriend and some friends.
I’ve learnt a lot.
One of them is that I’m not very tolerant of people and am extremely lucky to have a brilliant boyfriend who puts up with me.
We went to Alton Towers and we were just about to go on the Smiler which I was having massive doubts about.
I know I was being silly. All rides are dangerous and a potential risk but the reputation of this ride and the recent accident with it was all I could think about.
I didn’t want to lose a leg or have something horrific happen.
It didn’t help that it looks fairly creepy too but basically I had a bit of an anxiety attack and just couldn’t go on it.
Luckily, my boyfriend sensed almost straight away and knew I wasn’t happy. So he grabbed my hand and took me away from the ride 🙂
My friends called me a coward but I didn’t care. I wasn’t happy so I didn’t do it.
I don’t regret it at all. Even if it meant missing out on a supposed good ride.
Always listen to your instincts.
This post is going to sound silly. What’s the definition of brave? Dealing with a difficult situation. I know some people have it worse off than me and I’m not taking anything away from anyone.
I have a real issue with driving. It brings up my anxiety and makes me want to panic. I’ve spent the last few years getting better but every so often, in a difficult situation it will occur again.
Today was that day. We’ve recently had to change where we park at work now as where we work has literally no spaces anywhere unless we want to pay. Who wants to pay for parking? No-one. Especially when you don’t earn that much money, you don’t want to waste it on things like that.
I found a new place ok. But it was going over two mini roundabouts put together which stressed me a little bit as you have to look at every direction and decide whether people think they know who has right of way, etc. Then going down two shallow roads and eventually found a place.
I hope my car is ok. I hope she’s not been keyed or scratched. I hope no-one has parked too closely to me so I can’t move my car. This is what is going round and round my head at the moment.
Along with managing two jobs which my manager still doesn’t seem to appreciate or understand how hard I’m working. I’m enjoying my new responsibilities and I’m not moaning about working hard but it’s important to be noticed.
I’m just not in a very good mood today. I’m hoping something or someone will change that.
Unlikely for that to happen at work, the more I think about it… the more people I’ve learnt to dislike. There’s still this girl situation who keeps bringing up that I’m having a secret affair with someone in her team. SERIOUSLY. Just stop.
Here’s hoping to something nice happening. Sorry for the grumps.
I needed this photo today.
Work has been tough lately. I’m taking on these new responsibilities and finding it difficult. I’m dealing with queries I have no idea how to do and am feeling all this pressure to impress and please. My head feels very heavy right now like I have an anchor attached to it.
Sometimes I just need a timeout.
Which is actually what I’m doing now. I’m at work, hiding in a meeting room and writing a blog post as this is what I have my blog for. To help empty my mental messy mind and deal with life.
I have about 4 hours left. I can do it.
It’s raining, I like the rain. Something about it seems very calming to me. It’s a shame I don’t sit near a window anymore but I can hear it.
I will do some exercise when I get home as that’s a great way to feel better about yourself as you release some happy endorphins. I’m also listening to some band called 5 Seconds of Summer who I’m seeing live tomorrow night. Hope they will be good. I love a boyband.
I can do this. I can hold on for another 4 hours and not have a breakdown. I think.
Just breathe, don’t react. It’s a bad day, not a bad life. I’m ok. I’ve got this 🙂