overthinking

All posts tagged overthinking

Bad day

Published February 1, 2017 by katee124

Today has been a pretty bad day for me.

Started off this morning fine, thinking “halfway through the week, woohoo”

Got to work and it just wasn’t playing ball.

This nasty girl I sit near was on form, she was arguing with me every time I opened my mouth. I could of said the world was shaped like a ball and she would of argued it was a square. 

She’s so aggressive & intimidating, it makes me feel uncomfortable. It makes me angry that certain people just let her get away with it. 

Then…. My manager took me aside and said she was disappointed in me and thinks I need to mature which she has said before but unfortunately it doesn’t happen overnight.

Kick a girl whilst she’s down eh? 

I guess I was just feeling emotional today. My lenses were playing up but more importantly, I feel isolated at work. I feel like I can’t talk or trust anyone without it backfiring. 

Hey ho. just a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

I came home, watched me before you and had a good cry which always helps 🙂 

Useless

Published December 8, 2016 by katee124

My sinuses have been playing up alot the last few weeks so have been in bed poorly.

It has made me feel very useless  

I tried helping out today by putting up Christmas decorations, emptying the bins & putting some washing on  

I got told by my darling mother that I had put the decorations wrong and they look silly.

I got told that I should of separated stuff to recycle and I hadn’t put all the washing on  

I’m not being a brat but where’s the thank you for attempting? I’m sorry I’m not as bloody perfect as my mother.

I love her to bits but she does my nut in sometimes. She doesn’t help with my confidence or anxiety  

Parents

Published October 25, 2016 by katee124

The above photo was me this morning. 

Mum & I haven’t been getting on very well the last few weeks. 

She calls me high maintenance and I think she’s a negative influence. 

You should choose your fights carefully but its difficult. 

She doesn’t understand my anxieties and I’m expected to just get on with life as I’m the stable child apparently. 

My little brother currently has a sore back from whiplash so he can’t move around much but can go clubbing? Hmm. 

He’s also at a shitty job which he chose. He has a psycho girlfriend which he chose. Who has a baby with another man whilst dating him which he’s now choosing to bring up. 

See a pattern? He chose these things and he says he’s happy for it which is great but he’s still the special one. 

The older I get, the more I get fed up of this and feel myself distancing away from my family.

I really can’t wait to have my own place. 

On a lighter note, I’m very lucky to have such a lovely, supportive boyfriend and some great friends who keep me in check. 

Behaviour

Published October 24, 2016 by katee124

Humans are strange creatures. 

Theres a girl at work who was originally one of my favourites. She’s so lovely and kind to everyone. 

But more recently, I’ve noticed a change in her behaviour. 

Since she’s got this new boyfriend. She pays for everything as he has no job which is fine but he bought a new car after he lost his job. 

Who buys a new car when they’ve lost their job? Especially when their current car is find? Hmmm. She’s now paying for that car. 

She now has no money. And regularly organises nights out but drops out on the day due to money or just wanting to see her boyfriend. 

She did this last Friday when we were going to a friend of ours for dinner. I’m not gonna lie, I had a word. You can’t change plans on the day at someone’s house. It’s just rude. 

Now she’s avoiding me. I wasn’t horrible, I just said she needs to think of other people when cancelling plans. 

She’s in the wrong and hiding. I’m not angry or annoyed. She’s making it worse than it is as she’s probably embarrassed. Hope this sorts itself out soon. 

Click

Published October 21, 2016 by katee124

Hi there, its been awhile since I wrote a post. 

Been busy with holidays and work. 

Anyway…. 

Back at work, I’m just looking around and I like to think I get on with the majority of people. 

I’m quite shy deep down so I try and practice my people skills when I can but some people I just can’t click with. 

One of those people unfortunately is my manager. We just don’t get eachother at all. He’s Mr army who doesn’t do feelings or anything personal. He’s all business. Whereas I’m full of feelings and being personal. I’m also slightly high maintenance and like to be told I’m doing a good job which he doesn’t do. 

I don’t think I’m that hard work. I just like reassurance that I’m doing ok. But with him, no news is good news. 

It’s taken about 3 years but I think or hope I’ve finally accepted that not everyone is going to like you and there’s nothing you can do about it. 

Just concentrate on those you love and those who love you back. 

Plain stupid or is there something wrong? 

Published September 12, 2016 by katee124

I recently went to a party on a Friday night. 

It was going well. Few drinks, good company and a Chinese takeaway for dinner, yum. 

Then the game “cards against humanity” came out…. 

I hate this game. Not because I’m sensitive, but because it reminds me how I felt at school.

Reading in front of the class and mispronouncing words or not knowing what they mean. 

It sucked. Big time. 

I mispronounced a word and everyone laughed. Yes I’m being sensitive but it upset me. School was tough for me and it hit a sore spot. 

I wasn’t even sly about it, they all knew it upset me. 

It just made me think “am I stupid or is there something wrong?” 

I’ve always struggled with the English language. Especially pronouncing words, it just gets a bit muddled in my head.

Does this mean I have a type of dyslexia? I don’t know. 

Can any of you out there offer any advice? 

Realisation

Published August 12, 2016 by katee124

Everyone has their down days. But it’s true, you do need to move on. 

I found out today that my brother who’s learning to drive, had a crash in mum’s car. 

Straight away, it brought back all these horrible memories and my anxiety about driving.

Obviously this isn’t about me. Its about my brother and he’s ok. He’s a lot stronger than me mentally. 

It just made me think. Who do you talk to your feelings about? 

Family? 

I come from quite a hard, negative family whereas if you feel sad, you just get on with it.

Which isn’t a bad thing. It makes you strong but sometimes you need a moment.

Being sad doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

Friends?

Not everyone understands mental health. Not everyone can help but they mean well. They don’t want you sad. They want you to be fun and excitable.

Work colleagues? 

Definitely not. Unless you’re close. Day to day people just don’t care. Which sucks but that’s how it is. 

Once you leave work, you won’t hear from them again.

Boyfriend?

Yeah,maybe. Supportive and kind. Available for cuddles and love. Similar to friends, wants you to be happy. 

I guess this post was just to say be sad but try not to let it beat you.