I’ve been good lately. Too good. Until yesterday.
Had a bit of a moment in the bath. Suddenly released what I’ve become so good at blocking in my mind.
I felt extremely stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted.
It’s not easy to get out of so here’s a list I wrote of things to be grateful about.
– flowers, they’re so pretty and yes they die but then you can more prettiness
– cats, so fluffy and purry and cute
– love, its lovely when someone loves you and you love then. Relationships, friendships, family
– makeup, nothing a bit of lipstick can’t do to make you own the day
– rivers, with all their animals and plants and boats
– food, creme eggs chicken nuggets Turkey dinosaurs sausages smoky bacon crisps
– smiles 🙂
That will do for now.
Hi there, its been awhile since I wrote a post.
Been busy with holidays and work.
Back at work, I’m just looking around and I like to think I get on with the majority of people.
I’m quite shy deep down so I try and practice my people skills when I can but some people I just can’t click with.
One of those people unfortunately is my manager. We just don’t get eachother at all. He’s Mr army who doesn’t do feelings or anything personal. He’s all business. Whereas I’m full of feelings and being personal. I’m also slightly high maintenance and like to be told I’m doing a good job which he doesn’t do.
I don’t think I’m that hard work. I just like reassurance that I’m doing ok. But with him, no news is good news.
It’s taken about 3 years but I think or hope I’ve finally accepted that not everyone is going to like you and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Just concentrate on those you love and those who love you back.
I went away this weekend with some friends.
The idea of it terrified me. The thought of being on show all weekend and having nowhere to hide.
I had no boyfriend to cuddle up to either as he’s away for a few weeks.
He told me two things. Be brave and be positive. So that’s what I did.
Unlike some, one of the humans I got a lift with and was sharing a tent with was a miserable moo all weekend. So I tried to keep away .
It’s amazing what a few drinks can do to make you feel good.
It was a nice enough weekend. Was good for me to be social without hiding behind my boyfriend. My friends are my friends.
I had nothing to worry about really. My life story eh?
One regret – getting a bit too drunk one night. I hit my peak and was loving life.
Went over peak and ended up in tears. I was in tears cos I missed my boy. I must like him or something.
I learnt that its ok to be a bit scared sometimes. As long as you’re brave and get through it positively.
I also learnt that even the happiest of people need a few off days.
I wrote this on the journey back from Alton Towers on my phone due to no signal.
I was trying to keep calm about being stuck in the car for so many hours and not being listened to.
I recently went away for a few days with my boyfriend and some friends.
I’ve learnt a lot.
One of them is that I’m not very tolerant of people and am extremely lucky to have a brilliant boyfriend who puts up with me.
We went to Alton Towers and we were just about to go on the Smiler which I was having massive doubts about.
I know I was being silly. All rides are dangerous and a potential risk but the reputation of this ride and the recent accident with it was all I could think about.
I didn’t want to lose a leg or have something horrific happen.
It didn’t help that it looks fairly creepy too but basically I had a bit of an anxiety attack and just couldn’t go on it.
Luckily, my boyfriend sensed almost straight away and knew I wasn’t happy. So he grabbed my hand and took me away from the ride 🙂
My friends called me a coward but I didn’t care. I wasn’t happy so I didn’t do it.
I don’t regret it at all. Even if it meant missing out on a supposed good ride.
Always listen to your instincts.
Friday the 13th. Unlucky for some….
Not me. Well not this time anyway!
Today I was not at work. I took a day off. Last day off was Christmas and it has been brilliant.
I woke up this morning at half 8 as I didn’t want to waste the day.
Had some cuddles with my 9 month old step niece as she, her mum, my brother, mum & dad are off on a weekend away together. I passed on this due to wanting some time to myself – good decision
Then I went to my boyfriend’s house to head to the gym together which was ok. I have 3 goals at the mo, main one being to make my back stronger and my god, it’s so painful to do.
The shower afterwards made it worth it. Nothing better than a hot shower after smelling all sweaty and dirty.
My boyfriend took me for a picnic near the river which was so lovely. There were baby goslings 😍😍
The sun was shining, the park was beautiful and we were just chatting away.
Overall a brilliant day, I really needed some time to just relax and not think about anything. Would highly recommend it every so often.
This week I’ve had a few little things bugging me so thought I’d write a list of them and help me forget about them.
- Running out of money – why is everything so expensive? why is everyone after your money?
- Doctor Receptionists – so unhelpful
- Fuckboys – no explanation needed
- Daredevil – the TV series I mean, the character has been a bit of an asshole this series
- Allergies – been popping hayfever tablets all week
- Personal space – work colleagues getting too close when updating the whiteboard which is right next to me
- Anti-recyclists – certain people at work making silly rules to kill more trees
- Feelings – feeling like a bad person for something that happened in the past
- Fake friends – work colleagues in particular
- Driving – massive insecurity for me
- Brother – stop eating everything
- Cat – so attention seeking
Feel better already 🙂
I needed this photo today.
Work has been tough lately. I’m taking on these new responsibilities and finding it difficult. I’m dealing with queries I have no idea how to do and am feeling all this pressure to impress and please. My head feels very heavy right now like I have an anchor attached to it.
Sometimes I just need a timeout.
Which is actually what I’m doing now. I’m at work, hiding in a meeting room and writing a blog post as this is what I have my blog for. To help empty my mental messy mind and deal with life.
I have about 4 hours left. I can do it.
It’s raining, I like the rain. Something about it seems very calming to me. It’s a shame I don’t sit near a window anymore but I can hear it.
I will do some exercise when I get home as that’s a great way to feel better about yourself as you release some happy endorphins. I’m also listening to some band called 5 Seconds of Summer who I’m seeing live tomorrow night. Hope they will be good. I love a boyband.
I can do this. I can hold on for another 4 hours and not have a breakdown. I think.
Just breathe, don’t react. It’s a bad day, not a bad life. I’m ok. I’ve got this 🙂