Travelling home from a few days away was fun. Not.
Everyone knows about Friday traffic. Or so I thought. Between 4 – 7 is traffic central. People are leaving early for their weekends or going away for the weekend.
So what time do we leave on Friday? 5pm. Right in the middle of Friday traffic!!! Urgh.
I got told off for being grumpy about it. Of course I was grumpy about it. It doubled our journey by 2 and a half hours. PLUS we were dropping off one of my friends to their boyfriend’s house who lives half an hour away so it was even longer.
Apparently she didn’t want to inconvenience him. Didnt think about us though did ya? Selfish.
Worst part was I didn’t know we were doing that. If I knew, I would of taken my own car and left at 2 or 3 and definitely not detoured to someone’s house half an hour away.
I’m going away for a few days tonight. You would think I was excited to not be at work or to spend some time with some of my closest friends. Nope.
I’m anxious. My anxiety is kicking in.
I’m going with three people. My boyfriend and my two best friends. I know I’m safe. Especially with my boyfriend and oldest friend. They get me.
It’s more the third friend. She’s great, I do love her to bits. She’s hilarious and lots of fun but she’s just not the person to go to if I’m feeling unsure or having an anxiety attack. She doesn’t believe in mental health. Her words were “mental health isn’t real, if you can’t see it it’s not there”
It hit a nerve.
It’s just so ignorant and flat out wrong. How else would you explain my silly worries over nothing? My feelings for being scared of nothing? What about all the people who are locked away in psychiatric units? What about that poor girl in Orlando who was shot by a mental person?
I know I should forget about it and move on but I’m finding it difficult. I have to spend 2 and a half days with a person who won’t understand if my mood changes or I’m not myself.
For all I know, I’m worrying about nothing and there won’t be anything to kick off about. We might have a really nice, fun time. That’s what I hope.
I know I’m being silly, I can’t help these thoughts.
I should concentrate on the fact that we have people in our life for different reasons. So, I can still friends with this person but maybe she can be the person I go to if I want to have fun or laugh lots.
I wish I could just close my mind sometimes. Like have an off button. That would be useful.
I thought I was just over-thinking things, maybe I am… but there’s definitely something that doesn’t feel right.
I said recently that a girl at work who’s still fairly new seemed really friendly and nice. We get on quite well and went to lunch together but recently, she’s completely gone off me as if I’ve done something bad.
Now I know I have. Because it’s just getting worse. She’s very quiet throughout the day which is unlike her as she’s a loud, chatty person. She doesn’t include me in the tea&coffee round anymore which I think is quite petty.
I haven’t done anything wrong though. My instinct just tells me that she’s jealous. I’ve been here awhile and have my feet under the desk. I get on well with the majority of people and her team leader likes me more than her.
Reminds me of my school years when other girls became bitter due to certain girls getting more attention or thinking they’re better. I don’t think I’m better than anyone but I’m certainly not going to stop being myself. I’m a friendly, confident person. I like chatting to people.
I haven’t said anything to anyone at work as I don’t want to cause any unnecessary drama but it’s just quite pathetic. I thought she was going to be a good friend as we had a lot in common. Clearly not.